I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
