i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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