im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
