I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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