the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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