No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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