im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
