just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
soo... how was my night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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