So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
