I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
