the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
