There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
