Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
