You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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