a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
