Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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