her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
