so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
