i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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