It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
