I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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