just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
