We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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