Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
