in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
