if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize