you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
