i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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