we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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