Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize