I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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