I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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