I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
