just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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