me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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