ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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