You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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