Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
