Porn is love you can see.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
