What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
