that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's get the cat blown out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
