This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
