Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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