can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
