Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize