I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
