I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
