I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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