So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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