Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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