if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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