with your own penis?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
