the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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