Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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