I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
