Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
