Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
