my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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