He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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