I'm so fucking centered right now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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