It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
