My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
