so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
