Do you still have your period?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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