4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
