Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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