Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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