I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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