i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
