I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
