How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
