Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
