We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
