i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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