maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
