go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
