drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
vagina is talking i cant
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
